Update

I know I don't have a big following of readers yet, but for those of you who may come here, I just wanted to let you know that I am revamping how I am going to be doing things on this blog. It's going to take some time but hopefully during the span of 2015, I will have a clear perspective on what I want to focus on in this blog and be able to write more regularly. Thank you for your support and I'll be talking with you soon.

XOXO

Lola K.

Update On Writing

Hey everybody. I just want to let you know that I am going to be taking a temporary break from writing under Lola K. because I have another pen name that I want to focus on. The books that I write as Lola K. are books that are very close to my heart and completely honest...  but sometimes you have to do what you have to do to succeed in your industry so that you can do things like write from the heart. In my case, that means putting my energy into another pen name. So once that pen name is established and has an audience, then I will have the free time to write books under Lola K. again. I thank you for your understanding.

Direction, Miguel and Drake

I'm going through a point in my life where I feel like I don't know what to do, what direction to go in to get what I want. In fact, now that I have articulated it, that's exactly what it is. It's the case with my entrepreneur goals, career goals and relationship.

First of all, y'all know how I am, there are always tunes playing. Right now, I am hooked on a Pandora station that I somewhat generated called, "Miguel Radio." On Miguel Radio they play Miguel, Drake, Chris Brown and other artists like that. It's a really good station and it has made me realize that I actually really like Drake. I didn't think I would ever say that. Hahaha. But, for those of you who do not have Pandora, here is a really good Drake song that you could jam to while you read this:

Drake- From Time to Time ft Jhene Aiko

Ok...So now that you are relaxing to that...I'll continue. 

As for my entrepreneur businesses, I feel like they are dependent on me having a good job and making more money. Having a real opportunity at growth in a company, you know? Maybe that's the problem...maybe it's because I feel like they are connected. Maybe I just need to change my attitude about that. It's just that right now I feel like I need to advertise to get my company to grow. But advertising takes money and the only way I know how to legitimately get money is working.
Then, there's my book and I don't know. Maybe I am just discouraged. I don't know if I should try to promote self publishing or if I should get a publisher. But either way I feel like I'm in the same boat... it takes money. It takes money to send to all of those publishers and I'm worried that my book might have too many cuss words for mainstream publishers. And self-publishing...again...money. *sigh.

I really need to get back into visualizing. Tomorrow I am going to get back on the horse and stop being discouraged. It's not that I've gotten off per say...cause I am writing this blog and simultaneously working on the 2Raw4TV Magazine. But I'm a little off the horse with my personal goals like Auset Kulani and my Novellla.

The good thing is that I finally finalized my recipe for the Brown Sugar Baby scrub. Here is a picture:

The pic is a link to the store as well.

It just looks so yummy! And I love the way it looks and feels on my hand when I am using it, and how moisturized and glowing my hands look when I'm done with it. Black Betty is off the market for a while, at least until I perfect the recipe (if I can ever perfect the recipe without completely changing it into something else).

Yo! Kendrick Lamar! They're playing this right now...

 

Ok...so back to what I was saying. Let's move on to my work goals. I feel like there is a bunch of stuff I can do but because I don't have a bachelor's degree in shit, then I don't ever qualify for jobs. Maybe I should just apply for them anyway. I got a brand-spanking-new, modern resume now. Excited about that. Wow. Sharing this with you all is changing my attitude. What the hell right? I should just go for it. It's just that sometimes I feel intimidated by the positions, even though I feel like, "Well if that bitch can do it, I can too." You know, I have life experience, I am self taught in a lot of things and I'm just an overall fast learner. I don't know. I'm about to be 30, you know? I feel some changes but sometimes it all just feels like the same shit, even though I am doing the visualizations, etc. There's like a threshold that I need to get through, feel me? That's what it is. 

What was the last thing? Oh... How could I forget? Relationship... 

Sooooooooooooooooo.... Here's what's going on with that: I have this guy and he is really cool and a good guy, but, there are things that are important to me that he just doesn't do. And what's crazy about it, is if I were to tell him about another girl who's guy was doing that to her OR if I were with another guy and telling him about that guy, he would be like, "Damn. You need to step it up and get a better dude." (Not in those words but that's what he'd be saying.) But when I try to tell him, he doesn't even want to listen to me. It sucks. I feel like I'm being taken for granted and taken advantage of and I don't want to break up with him, and if I fuss he won't listen, so I just don't know what to do. Right now, I am just pulling back a bit and maybe he will come to me... then maybe we can talk. I don't know. I just feel really lost. But... things always clear up. That's about all for now. I'll write soon. Peace. 

Vicissitudes of Life

It's so funny. My ex-husband and I used to be in love. Now, we don't speak anymore. I'm partially to blame. I am the one, after all, who wrote the memoir. It was bound to happen. He was starting to only call me when he was really down and there was no one else to talk to. Maybe that's just my perspective. Funny...The word "love."

Failure, Greatness and Success...

The other day, I was thinking that maybe there was nothing that I was great at. I thought that maybe there wasn't anything I was great at but there's a lot of things that I'm pretty awesome at. Then I started to think that maybe it wasn't that important to be great at something; maybe it's fine to just be good at stuff. But for whatever reason, it just kept irking me.

I began to realize that being good at stuff wasn't good enough for me. I want to be great at something. Here's the thing about me: I wouldn't consider myself to have low self esteem, in fact sometimes I think it's quite the contrary. It's just that my expectations for myself are So High, that it's like, my definition of Great is like Michael Jordan or Aretha Franklin. But you don't get there over night.

Since I've been out here in Iowa, I've really started to question my value. I've been fired a lot since I've been out here and being fired so many times can really make you question your worth. Especially when you are doing your best. Especially when you can compare yourself and your performance to people on paper/practically and KNOW that you are doing better than Most of your counterparts and yet, you are being fired and they are not.

But after talking to my friend today (after having a huge fight with her yesterday), I realized that I'm a Damn good friend. I'm a GREAT friend. I'm a great friend, I was a great wife, I make a great girlfriend, I'm even a great daughter (if I do say so myself). I'm a Great Person. If there were more people like me in the world, this world would be awesome. And that's the truth. That's how I feel. In some ways, I feel I am an artistic genius and I don't need people to buy my art to validate that. That's how I feel. I have tons of ideas and just because none of them have made me millions of dollars yet doesn't make them any less valuable.

I'm just fed up with defining myself by my apparent failures. I am great. I am successful now, just because I have a damn good heart. So yeah... that's how I feel about that.

Love...Shooting the shit...

(haha this post is mad old but I wanted to publish it anyway.)

Love... I am inundated in love. The feeling is overwhelming.

Right now I am making some cheese stuffed meatballs with pasta and spaghetti sauce. It's pretty late but that's how my day went. I should watch a movie but I don't know if it's going to load. I have been jamming to this song:

It's a little cheesy but I like the vocals of the guy who sings the chorus.

I'm so in love that I can't even describe it. I'm so in love that hahahaha Wow!

I'm sipping on this wine right now. Cheap wine. I bought some Apothic Red the other day and it was awesome but today I got the $4 Oak Leaf and it's quite tasty.
I really can't believe that they did a song with snoop dogg *ahem* excuse me...snoop LION and Miley Fucking Cyrus...Gag me. And it's not even good. SMH!

I'm so in love I'm going to cry.

Pissed. #4LBS

I am DONE with Pasta. I switched to rice and I started losing weight. I was 3 lbs away from my first goal and then I started eating spaghetti. In 1 WEEK, I gained 4 fucking pounds! THAT'S IT!!!!!! Back to rice! This is that BS!

Catching Up.

I am making some body butter today. I am aiming to make body "cream," specifically. I don't have a lot to say today; I just kind of wanted to let you all know that I am still here. I am working on finding a balance between this and my other responsibilities. I have to work out tonight. I only have about 2 lbs to go to reach my first short term goal which is getting out of the double digit twos and into the single digits. Then I will only have 10 lbs to lose to get out of the 200's all together. :) That will be nice.

My birds just ate their second egg. That made me really change my attitude toward them. I guess I shouldn't judge them but still, it makes me uncomfortable to know that they are eating their own unborn progeny. 

I have to catch up on some blog reading tonight. :) That's the good thing about getting everything done on Saturday, I have time for what I really want to do on Sunday. 

I have started to claim that I am a Master of the LoA. I am going to get there so may as well claim it now. I can manifest what ever I like. 

Otherwise, I am feeling well. Catch up with you all later. 

XOXO

Lola K.

Work, Weight Management and the Law of Attraction

Oh my damn. I wrote this on the 18th, just so you know, at work, that's how long it took me to be able to take the time to get it posted online. So without further ado:

Since I started this new job, "busy" isn't even the word. It's not even the work load; it's the schedule. I'm used to working evenings/nights and having all morning/day to hang out and get things done. Now, I am getting up at 6, working from 8-4:30 and sometimes overtime and on average, getting home well after 5. Then I only have about 5-6 hours to get all of my work done before I have to go back to bed: working out (which has gone on the back burner and I need to start again today), the magazine, cleaning the house, blogging and reading blogs, writing ( which I haven't had time to do :(  ). Plus, I still have to make time for the radio show. (I even fell asleep on the show 2 weeks ago because it went over by almost an hour and I was tired and had to get up at 6-and the show doesn't even start until 10 my time. I didn't know how to tell Palmetto that I needed to go, and I tried to stay up, but I just fell asleep and woke up to the sound of the outro song he had chosen for the night.) Plus I still have to be a good friend and daughter and make time for friends and family, AND I was asked to do a project for a friend of my moms...I am on the verge of feeling burnt out. I think I am most sad about the fact that I have had some really good ideas for stories but I just haven't had the time to even sit down and start the first few lines. (Shit, I haven't even had time to sit down and think about what was going to happen in the story.) Ultimately, it's just going to be a challenge in time management, which I said I wanted to get better at. You know, dedicating a little time to a few things every day, instead of dedicating a lot of time to a couple things and the other things fall off. So anyway, I'm not trying to come off like I'm complaining, I'm just sharing with you all what's been going on, just like with everything else.

As for my weight loss... it's been going pretty well. I wouldn't say I've been "losing" but I have been maintaining, which is Necessary. I have always had a problem with keeping the weight off and I have been able to keep myself at the same weight now for about 3 weeks, so that's wonderful. I have also done a couple of cleansers (which I hated but they are good for me) and I got my mom and Palmetto doing them with me. I actually told them about it and I did it one week and they were doing it over 3 weeks and I felt like a slacker, so I had to do another one : / My goal is to start working out again today. I also have made some progress in regards to my "bridge" goal. I can (on the ground) push my self up into a half bridge! So that's excellent! Practice, Practice, Practice! My arms are definitely getting stronger.

Law of attraction baby! You know what it comes down to? (Which is very challenging for me...) It comes down to completely changing one's mindset. I have been taught to think like someone who is in poverty because I grew up in a lower class household with a single mom and around people in the same situation (maybe slightly better) for all of my life. And the people that did have slightly better situations (lower-middle to middle class, I didn't really hang out with them or their parents). My definition of lower class is making less than 50k/year and I'm pretty sure my mom was making less than 25k/year at her Peak and that was after I went to college. Cause there's middle class, lower middle class, lower class and poor. Most of my life I have been in poverty (making less than 15k/year) and as I said above, I grew up in a household where, at best, my mom was making less than 25k/year. To be honest, I think even that's a stretch. I really don't know how she did it with a child. She was always talking about robbing Peter to pay Paul. Anyway, my whole life has been learning to: budget, sacrifice, do without, only get what you need, live bellow your means and think about what I can't afford. Now there are some good things in there, but this is really the attitude of a person who is in survival mode/poverty. This is not the attitude of someone who is safe, secure and wealthy financially.

I have had to work on completely reconstructing my attitude to think like someone who has money and I really only know one person who has ever had money and that's my aunt, and the more I get better at the LoA, the more I sound like her (when I used to hear her saying things growing up). So, I have decided to stop chalking things up to coincidence and realize that what I say, do,  think, see and believe all play a part in the way my life goes. Something I have been saying lately is, "What I can get is not determined by how much money I have; How much money I have is determined by what I want. I am telling the universe what I want and I am moving in that direction and knowing that the money/opportunity is there.

I also have to trust. I have to trust and move in the direction of that trust. Something interesting that has been going on in my mind is that I am saying that I trust and that I can afford it but then I don't act like it. I was reminded that I have to act like it. You know how they say, "Actions speak louder than words"? Well this applies to the universe as well. You gotta be about it. So I went out and bought the bed I was a little scared to buy and you know what? I still have a roof over my head. I never ended up homeless; everything worked out in the end. I was also taught over the last few months to not feel guilty about where the help comes from. That is hard for me. It makes me feel like a burden and a failure but that is judging the situation and myself. Judgement is counter productive when on the path to Nirvana. Take the help and be grateful. That's the end of it. So that's what I've been learning to do. I am also stepping out of my comfort zone and not putting a cap on my potential wealth. I have been speaking as though I am financially free.

So, I was able to use the LoA to get myself a bunch of things that I have been needing (like a bed) and wanting (like a Kindle Fire- with the Hello Kitty sleeve that I love, and perfume- because I deserve to smell like the Goddess that I am). Let me tell you something...Memory Foam is the best investment you can make for yourself in the world of sleep/furniture. I have not had to toss one time since I bought the thing. I got a 6 inch memory foam mattress from Wal Mart.com and it has been nothing but good to me. I will definitely be getting one for my home, but probably more like 8-12 inches. :)

Anyway, that's about all. Tomorrow I am going to take some pictures of the stuff I got and post them in the blog. I am also thinking about blogging about my progress in being Assertive and doing a book review. I really am going to do my best to start doing some more micro blogging on here and blogging at work and coming home and typing it out. Thank you for your support and reading my online diary :)

If you have any comments or questions, hit me up.

Micro Blogging...

I've made a decision. I am going to do some micro blogging. There is no excuse for me to not make time to blog at all, so I will do some micro blogs and when I have time, I will do my full on blog posts :) Sounds like a plan to me!

Work

I'm so sorry everyone... I just started a new job (*half hearted yea*) and it's got me really tired cause I'm on a schedule I'm not accustomed to. I will do my best to start blogging more...I didn't realize it's been so long.
: (

Grown and Sexy, Law of Attraction and e-Readers

So this year I have decided to step it up. My theme for this year is Grown and Sexy! (Like both of them but mainly the one on the left. She's my icon for this year.)

Every change that I am making in my life is about being grown and sexy, and rightfully so, I am going to be 30 this year. :D I know some people are starting to feel old but I am actually just starting to feel like a woman and I am quite excited about it and I want to embrace it for at least the next 30 years before I start to consider myself "getting old". 

So as a part of that, one of the things on my list of goals is changing my attitude to one like Yoda spoke about in Star Wars which is, "Size matters not". My mom pointed out something to me; she reminded me that Yoda told Luke that he failed because he Could Not Believe It. This is a very important thing. It's not about the fact that he tried and couldn't do it; it's not about the fact that he had the wrong mentality; it's about the fact that he had the coach right there and he saw the coach do it right in front of him and with all of that evidence, he still Could Not Believe that it could Even be Done! 

I am working on getting into the depths of my subconscious to make sure that I know that I know that I can do it. I am working on KNOWING that there is no difference... no matter what the size, price or distance. I decide what my life will entail and the money comes to make that happen, not the other way around. Now, how does all of this connect to an e-reader? If you would have asked me last year if I could manifest $500 to spend on e-readers for me and my love, I would have told you..."I don't know. I'll try". 

Now I am here to tell you, "Yes. I can". This is 2013 and it is my year and I am doing it big and grown and sexy. I am not letting the size or price of anything stand in my way. 

I decided that if I got an e-reader I would do a lot more reading (because a lot of my books are on PDF). Then I decided that I wanted to get one for my friend. I did the visualizations, decided that I had it now and when it came time to decide what I wanted, I worked with my inner spirit to get myself over the price hump and really sat down and decided what I Wanted in an E-reader... not what I could afford. I did research, I was prepared and acted as though, not only that the money was going to come, but that I had the e-reader now! After much research, I came to the conclusion that I wanted a basic Kindle Paperwhite and, so far, that's what I'm sticking with. Now I didn't know how I was going to afford that (especially since when I started out, I was only planning on getting one original kindle for $70 and that somehow turned into two Paperwhite 3G's with cases for a whopping $500) but it didn't matter, because I was going to get it. 

So what happened? The money came. I was only expecting to get a little bit but I got A Lot and then...my friend let me know that he already had one..and I decided that the fancy one that I was gonna get didn't really suit my needs, and I went to the store to check out the case and didn't like it and realized that a less expensive case would do just fine and now instead of having to spend the $500 that came, I only have to spend about $150-$200 of it :D hahaha So yeah, it all works out. Grown and Sexy, getting in shape and manifesting what I'd like to have in my life. 

UPDATE:
Yeah, I decided on the Kindle Fire. >:P

When Two Become One By Owen Habel Lwanda and Lola K.

Pacify my trembling

Heart with the

Warmth of you blood.

Lay me to rest in a

Chariot of ecstasy

And take me

High above

The blue sensational

Sky.

Touch my waist

Kiss my lips

Lick my neck

Arouse my cravings

Then

Scream as I sigh

Take me to paradise

My hands shaking, yet eager to touch

Pulling, pushing, squeezing for life

Pain and pleasure dance gracefully together

As wetness drips from our lips

Hearts fully opened

There is no room for fear

Too enraptured in the now

To submerged in the here

Receive my sweetness

With open arms

Then interlock me

From within

Drop the power

Of my strength....

Drop the power

Of my strength

And then take me to ecstasy again…

Twin Poems- Lola K and Owen Habel

LaShawn Tolson (a writer in our upcoming magazine) told me that she was doing a collaboration with the very talented poet: Owen Habel Lwanda. I had been thinking about a topic for a poem myself and decided that I should like to do something similar with Owen. I wanted to write a poem about heart break, using cupid's arrow. What is wonderful about having decided to do this collaboration is that Owen had the courage to say what I wouldn't say, and that was how sometimes when you are in a relationship with someone, you can be really hard on yourself and feel like everything you do is "stupid". I am constantly feeling embarrassed in my present relationship. So without further ado, here are the twin poems that we wrote.

I will start with his, because the feelings he has expressed, are what led to the feelings expressed in mine...

LOVE AND ITS MAGIC
By OWEN HABEL LWANDA

The wounds of
His broken heart
Priented scars on
His soul.
Love to him sounds
Foul, filth...
And is full of
Grumbling growls

He bought
A bunch of roses
And found his hands
Handing them over
To her...
He felt stupid

He thought
His heart had bruises.
But found it
Falling in love
With her...
He felt stupid

He promised
Never to love
Again
But her presence
Deepens the intake
Of his breath...
He feels stupid

But all that is Cupid
That stings in a way
that's candid
She makes him
Feel splendid
But he after words
feel stupid again
Love is laughing at him

And here is mine: 

Love lies bleeding-By Lola K.

Heart dripping.

Love spilling.

Smiles pour abundantly from my face.

Constantly blissful.

Everything feels like sex- painful yet euphoric.

And if I could just get over my own head

I could enjoy you

If I could just get out of my head

Then maybe I wouldn't cut the three cords.

I wonder if I’m addicted to you.

They say Cupid has hit me in the most sensitive spot

Feels like heaven and ambrosia

I don’t realize what’s happening.

I run into you

Linger in you

I trust in you

I sleep in you, soundly, like a baby

Then suddenly

There is a shock that jerks me from my slumber

A sharp pain pierces through my chest as reality hits.

I look down

My heart is bleeding.

Cupid has hit me

And the arrow is real.

And it’s killing me

My love lies bleeding on the ground

From my wrists and my heart.

And I die

Slowly

And quietly.

Damaged Goods and Katy Perry's Wide Awake

I have been listening to this Katy Perry song all day. I used to not really listen to it (she's kind of a hit or miss artist for me) but lately, I have been into it. Then I decided to listen to the lyrics and they are really on point with how I feel lately in a lot of areas of my life.

You know how a song moves you so much that you can't even sing them? That's how it's been all day with this song. I am a singer and it requires a certain amount of breath and stability of the voice to be able to get through a song and when you are emotional, those two things are the most difficult to control. So I've been able to sing it softly but not with any real level of power because the lyrics and the way she sings it is so moving.

I am going to spiral a little bit and hopefully by the time I am done with this post, it will make sense. I don't know... lately I have been feeling like damaged goods. I have been feeling like... I have been feeling like I don't know if I will be able to get over the things that have happened in my life that have calloused me. Over all, I don't think I'm that difficult to deal with but then again, I know myself. I understand the motivation behind almost everything that comes out of my mouth and my behaviors but what's that got to do with the person who is going to end up dealing with me as a mate? He isn't going to be a mind reader. And just because... I don't know. There's a lot I could say but it just feels like blather. Point is, it's different when you are on the receiving end.

I feel like... I guess sometimes I just feel like it would be better for everyone if I just stayed on my own. Maybe I'm more trouble than I'm worth. But maybe that's not for me to decide, eh? Maybe that's for my mate to decide. I mean if he feels like I'm worth it, then shouldn't that be enough? With the former attitude, I'll end up unnecessarily sabotaging my relationships. I think the latter attitude is more productive. Even now as I'm reflecting on what I'm writing, I feel like I am over thinking. I need to feel more and think less without ending up in a situation where I am feeling too much and not thinking enough hahaha. Balance.

Today, I was looking in the mirror while listening to that Katy Perry song (which I am about to put on now) and I was starting to feel self-pity. I am not one to dwell in pity so I was about to get up and focus on something else but then I said, "Maybe it's time you FELT...some pity". So I sat there and just looked at myself crying in the mirror and allowed myself to FEEL... It just so happened that I was feeling bad for myself hahaha. I mean, I don't know...not like, "Woe is me. My life is so awful..." but more like, "I'm kind of fucked up and I accept that. I don't know if I'll recover or how long it will take and what I'll sabotage along the way to recovery". I guess the thought of what I might sabotage along the way is what I was really feeling sad about.

It's really awesome to be loved by someone. For someone to really love you and invest time and energy into you, is really something amazing. Despite all of your quirks and insecurities, fears and complications, they still want to be in your life. They still want you in their life. And not just as a friend but as an intimate lover. It would be a shame to sabotage something as miraculous as that because of my past relationships with people.

Katy said, "You know I'm letting go tonight. I'm falling from cloud 9. I'm wide awake". The other day, I laid all of my cards out on the table for someone and I mean All of them. Every fear, every concern. Even the ones I was nervous about sharing. Ashamed maybe? It's hard to tell someone who hasn't done something to you (or given you solid reason to believe that they will), that you are afraid that they might do said thing to you. It's kind of insulting when you think about it. Anyway, a few things happened after that:
1. I got it off my chest; which was a relief.
2. I let him know what my fears were so he could know what to do instead.
3. I took away my shield. See when you think about it, you have your fears, yes, but when those fears are on the table, you can no longer hide behind them. You have let the person know that you are worried about it and therefore said, "I trust that you are going to take the high road". Then you have to act on that trust. If you don't, then you are saying two things:
     A. I don't trust you because of my past.
     B: I never will trust you.
When you make the decision to put yourself out there, you are making a decision to allow them to prove to you that they are better than your fears. Which means YOU actually have to trust now. That's hard. It was even harder reminding myself of that. I said, "You no longer have any excuse to behave like that. You have to give him a chance".
4. It made him responsible. See, now he can't say he didn't know. He knows All of it. Every fear, ever concern, how much power he has... all of it.
5. It made me obligated to speak my mind more often. I have a tendency to let things build up while I figure them out and while I am figuring, I am not trusting hahaha. So again, I don't have that shield.

Anyway...in some ways I am being silly. I believe in love and I'm not going to give up on it without proper effort. So becoming a relationship hermit is not going to happen any time soon. I don't even know if I made a specific point with this post but then, that's not really what it was about. It was about sharing myself with you all. That's about all for now. If you all have any comments about anything that I've said, I would love to hear them.

XOXO

Craigslist Scams and Attempted Fraud by Experian?

I wanted to blog about what happened to me because it might be happening to other people. I was going to write something specifically for the blog but I felt like the email I wrote to my friends would work well enough. I'd love to hear what all of your opinions are on this situation. So without further ado, here is what happened to me regarding Scam Craigslist Posts and Experian:


Back in October, I was on craigslist.org and there was a job offer. It was for some sort of office assistant position. The pay scale was nice but reasonable and everything was laid out professionally and it looked legit. I applied for the position but for the position, they wanted to know my credit score. I didn't think anything of it because most jobs nowadays want to know what your credit is- in fact, the company that I work for right now checked my credit before I got the job. They wanted the credit report to come from a company of their choosing so they told me to "click here" and follow the link. It took me to an Experian page and it looked legit. I signed up for the $1 thing where I could get my report, took a screen shot and anything that seemed a bit too personal, I blacked out in the editing program and then sent them the final picture. Something didn't sit well with me though and I decided to go ahead and check them out. Turned out that this is some sort of craigslist fraud that happens. Every post I read about it said, "Don't click on the link!" So what did I do? I immediately called my credit reporting agency that's through my bank and let them know what was up and I also contacted an agency to report the potential theft. Then I thought about it. I said to myself, "What could a thief have possibly gained from this?" They didn't get my social security number. Then I said to myself, "The only way I can think of that they can benefit is if that entire site was a fraudulent site and they set it up to get my credit card info OR if they are just getting $1 from everyone they trick". Either way, it was apparent that the entire site was probably bogus. So naturally, I didn't go back on it nor did I go to call any of their bogus customer service numbers. My credit agency told me to be on the look out but they didn't see anything suspicious. I checked my account, didn't see anything weird. Checked back later, didn't see anything suspicious. 

Fast forward to today; about 4 months later. I see a suspicious charge on my debit card. Now here is the thing. This is a special kind of debit card. I dictate how much is ever on the card and it's not connected to my personal account information. I noticed a very specific phrase that made me realize something was up... "Over Draft Fee". This card doesn't GET over draft fees. This card is an extension of my account. So I went to the bank to see what was up. They are telling me that there is a Reoccurring fee from Experian. I can't remember having any dealings with Experian. Finally it dons on me. That thing that happened back in October. But I told them...why would this be showing up all of a sudden. Turns out, they didn't charge me until like a month and a half later and I didn't notice it because it made an almost unnoticeable dent in my account. If I am a little over, I always assume it's just some late charge finally coming through-nothing major. So my bank said that since it was a legitimate charge, that I had to call Experian and explain to them what was going on before they could clear the over draft fee.

I call Experian. I explained the entire story to them: that I was defrauded and thought the website was a clone site and figured the criminals just didn't get what they needed to rip me off. I told them that I needed them to remove the charges and do you know what they proceeded to do next? Explain to me the benefits of an account like mine. They tried to convince me to stay with the company. I told them that I wasn't interested and do you know what they told me? They said, "There's nothing we can do. The charges are legitimate". I told that muddha skunt that I wasn't leaving until they cleared that shit and that he needed to put a manager on. He put me on hold and 2 min later this SOB came back and told me that he was reimbursing me ALL 3 Months worth of charges. You Damn right. Cause I don't play that shit!  

Now. Typically when there is fraud, who benefits? The thief. In this case, who's the ONLY "person" who stood to benefit? Experian. I thought about it and I said to myself, I wouldn't be surprised if they hire people to do this shit. Cause what happens is either A. You don't notice the charges cause you got money like that and you only really notice big charges. B. You notice but not until after a while and they tell you there's nothing they can do and you just accept it as a loss. C. You call to cancel and you decide to just stay with them cause you need the credit protection anyway. You see what I'm saying? Because why else would someone be on craigslist making bogus job posts that get people to sign up with Experian and then people come to think it's a fraud and stay as far away from that "Experian Website" as they can, only to find out that it Actually IS the Real Experian Site! That's some BS. 

Twerking after 9 with the Twerk Team

I came on Facebook and was a link in my FB Messenger from Mr. Star and it was a video of one of the models we work with "twerkin". Now if you don't know what twerking is, then check out the link he sent me of our associate/friend, model Key Jones, doing her thang here in this video:

Now, I was talking to Mr. Star about how good Key Jones is and he told me, in effect, that I hadn't seen nothin yet. He turned me on to the "Twerk Team".

These are two sisters from Atlanta and from what I've read so far, they started their team back in 2005. Since then they have been in many music videos and are supposed to be coming out with their own clothing line and workout video, etc.

Now this is where I come in. First of all, I like to shake my ass on the dance floor haha that's for sure! I like to "drop it low", "bend over to the front and touch my toes", and I like to "twerk", even though I would not call myself an expert. I saw this Twerk Team in action tonight and I said to myself, "Man, I wanna be able to do That!" So I put on my little heart rate monitor watch and checked to see how many calories I would burn practicing twerking for 10-20 minutes.

I ended up doing 30 minutes of it and I burned 500 calories! That's right, 500 calories! It was fun and I didn't even have to stop cause I was exhausted. What's great about twerking is that aside from being fun, it's not loud, so I can do it after 9. I also do Insanity but #1 Insanity is Super Hard...that's why they call it Insanity and #2 It's super loud to do when you live in an apartment because there's a lot of jumping...which is one of the reasons why it's so effective.

So if you want a fun and sexy workout to try, I suggest that you get on YouTube, look up the Twerk Team and twerk it out. This way you can have fun, burn a lot of calories and learn some of those sensual moves while you are at it.

Owen Habel- A True Romeo

Well I still got it! hahaha Someone wrote a poem for me today inspired by this picture:

Here is the Poem, by Owen Habel:


I swallow heavy gulps
Of saliver 
When i glance at your lips
I wonder what the
Feeling would be like if i 
Looked at your heaps

The way you bite 
that tongue
Makes me want to be
A thug
And steal a kiss to bliss my dry lips with your wetness

Am staring at your smile
And my mind goes
yonder for a while

The pigment on ur skin is
That of an angel
The dreads on your head
Summerizes my thoughts
U define beauty



He is very talented and prolific. You all should check out his blog by clicking on the picture...  

He is from Kenya and he is going to be in the Magazine.

Intangible by Lola K.

Some things cannot be captured

by photograph.

Like the way the lights smear, stretch and bleed through tear drops.

Or like how one can feel love and hate simultaneously.

Some things…

Some things are caught between worlds. 

Caught between what I can see and me… and even if I wanted to express them to you,
I could not.

I could try to paint it

and you

you could try to interpret it,

but some things simply cannot be shown or explained. 

They can only be felt

experienced…
See for yourself...

This is the root of empathy.

And even in empathy, you will still never be able to see it through my eyes,
nor I through yours,

just like I will never truly be able to see myself through my own eyes.

And this is just one of the many curses of being God. 

2 Raw 4 TV Magazine, My first article and a Pseudo Graphic Designer

Hey everyone. Just wanted to touch bases with you. I have been doing well. I have been really focused on getting this magazine together. (2 Raw 4 TV Magazine.) It's no joke. It's been fun though. I wrote my first article a few days ago and I have been editing other people's articles. It's actually not that bad when people send them to you one at a time and so far, everyone has been sending them in early. I am really excited about this venture. I wrote an article on, "How to leave when you are still in love". I think it turned out pretty well. There were a couple parts, that when read out loud, I could tell messed up the flow, so I altered those areas. I cannot stress to you all the importance of proof reading your material ALOUD. ALOUD is key. When you read out loud, you get a feel for the flow of the material (grammatically and expressively). Reading something out loud could mean the difference between sounding whiny and sounding eloquent. Read your stuff aloud when you are finished. I command you. hahaha :) Anyway, that's about all for now. I am going to post the article I wrote below and you can tell me what you think. And if any of you are interested in being a part of the magazine, let me know. We take guest writers as well. Keep in mind, as of now, work for the magazine is done on a volunteer basis. I have also decided to attach the sample cover I made last night for promotions. I did a pretty good job for not being a graphic designer.


My article:

 How do you leave when you are still in love?

This was one of the toughest questions I ever had to ask myself; and it was necessary. I had to find a way to leave because I was in an abusive relationship. You know what the hardest part is? When you love someone and you know they love you back but you can’t stay because the relationship is unhealthy.

It is very difficult to leave someone when there are good aspects to the relationship, like: company, good sex, a luxurious lifestyle, friendship. In my case, it was the love and companionship. In my heart, I really wanted to make it work. He was fun, great company, he understood me and he loved me; but you can’t make it work with someone who is in denial about the severity of their behavior; and you can’t make it work with someone who is not willing to improve.

There are people who say that if someone loves you, they wouldn't treat you in certain types of ways. I don’t feel this is necessarily true. There is a difference between feeling love and knowing how to express it well. Knowing how to treat someone in a kind and loving way is a learned behavior. People treat you as best they can based on who they have come to be and what they know. So when it comes down to it, it’s not a question of, does this person love you. The question is: Are they capable of treating you in the way that you want/need to be treated?

This is what makes it so difficult. I think what happens a lot of times is people connect love with behavior. However, think about this: Someone could treat you like a queen (or king), showering you with gifts and complimenting you but that doesn't mean that they love you. That behavior could merely be a result of having parents who taught him/her that that is the way you treat a lady/man. Shoot, rappers do it every day and they “don’t love dem hos!” Ha! In the wise words of Tina Turner, “What’s love got to do with it?”

So how do we do it? How do we leave when we’re still in love? Well the first thing you have to ask yourself is, do you really want to leave? Then you have to answer that question honestly. Then make a choice and stick with it. If your choice is to stay, then make that choice, deal with the consequences and stop complaining to people about how poorly the person treats you. (And yes, you are allowed to change your mind after you make a decision.)

If you decide that you do want to leave, then you have to ask yourself, why haven’t you left yet? Are you staying because you don’t like being alone? Perhaps it’s because you don’t have money to leave. Is it the great sex? Are you staying because of the children or love?

There are many scenarios and I am not going to get into all of them but I will do my best to express to you the mentality you will have to develop in order to leave. Everybody’s situation is different. The fact is, you can’t do shit with your stuff if you are dead. So if you are in an abusive relationship, there’s no question… you have to get out.

However, whether you are in a serious situation or not, it’s really a matter of knowing that something has to be done and doing it. Once you make the decision that you are going to leave, then no matter what is keeping you in the unhealthy relationship, you need to find a way to overcome it.

When you need to lose weight, what do you do? You eat healthier and you work out. If that doesn't work, you might increase your work out and start counting calories. Then, if necessary, you’ll start to do research on how to change up your lifestyle and workout for optimum results. If you’re still having trouble, you might go to the doctor to see what he thinks or you might join Weight Watchers; but here’s the deal, if you really want to lose that weight, can’t hell or high waters stop you. And losing weight can be tough, lengthy, tedious and take months, if not years to accomplish. Then, on top of all of that, you have to keep the weight off.

This is the attitude you have to have when leaving someone that you still love and if you don’t have it, you have to develop it. There is something that was said to me before by a counselor. She said, “You don’t have to have all of the answers now. You don’t have to cope emotionally now. You can leave first and then cope. You can leave first and then get answers”. You can deal with the fact that they hurt you and all of the “whys” after you have separated yourself from the unhealthy relationship.

What we have to do as people (especially women), is accept the situation for what it is and not what it could be. We have to recognize what situation we are in, accept it, make a decision and then work toward that goal and not stop until it is reached. Trying to change someone isn't going to work. People are who they are and they change when they want to change because they want to change. The fact of the matter is, they might very well change… just not while they’re with you and that can hurt to see but at the same time, your leaving them is probably what propelled them to change.

Also, you cannot wait forever on people to change. There is a difference between waiting on someone to change and trying to change them. I never tried to change my Ex. I was waiting on him and working with him to change, per his request. I told him what was not going to work and he assured me that he was working on himself and that I should be patient. This was logical to me because I agreed to be committed to him and commitment is about patience and team work, but once I realized that he was taking advantage of my patience, it was no longer logical.

He used to say to me all of the time, “We have our whole lives to work on it,” and I would always say, “No. We don’t. We have to fix it now because our life is happening now”.

With his type of attitude, nothing ever gets done and by the time you decide to work on it, you are tired, old and set in your ways. Waiting on someone that is not going to change or is changing very slowly is a waste of your time and you deserve to be treated well NOW. You shouldn't have to wait. Besides, what they are saying, in effect is, “Your time is not valuable to me. You can wait a few years longer while I treat you like shit and then, when I feel like being better, I’ll work on it… if I’m not too old and set in my ways.”   

Now for those of you who are reading this and saying, “Well, it’s not that easy,” then I suggest that you go back up to the suggested questions and review the one that asks: Do I really want to leave? In fact, I will do you one better and say that that question should be: Do I need to leave? Because you may not want to, I didn't want to, but I needed to; and so I did. You can too.

XOXO

Lola K.