Oh my damn. I wrote this on the 18th, just so you know, at work, that's how long it took me to be able to take the time to get it posted online. So without further ado:
Since I started this new job, "busy" isn't even the word. It's not even the work load; it's the schedule. I'm used to working evenings/nights and having all morning/day to hang out and get things done. Now, I am getting up at 6, working from 8-4:30 and sometimes overtime and on average, getting home well after 5. Then I only have about 5-6 hours to get all of my work done before I have to go back to bed: working out (which has gone on the back burner and I need to start again today), the magazine, cleaning the house, blogging and reading blogs, writing ( which I haven't had time to do :( ). Plus, I still have to make time for the radio show. (I even fell asleep on the show 2 weeks ago because it went over by almost an hour and I was tired and had to get up at 6-and the show doesn't even start until 10 my time. I didn't know how to tell Palmetto that I needed to go, and I tried to stay up, but I just fell asleep and woke up to the sound of the outro song he had chosen for the night.) Plus I still have to be a good friend and daughter and make time for friends and family, AND I was asked to do a project for a friend of my moms...I am on the verge of feeling burnt out. I think I am most sad about the fact that I have had some really good ideas for stories but I just haven't had the time to even sit down and start the first few lines. (Shit, I haven't even had time to sit down and think about what was going to happen in the story.) Ultimately, it's just going to be a challenge in time management, which I said I wanted to get better at. You know, dedicating a little time to a few things every day, instead of dedicating a lot of time to a couple things and the other things fall off. So anyway, I'm not trying to come off like I'm complaining, I'm just sharing with you all what's been going on, just like with everything else.
As for my weight loss... it's been going pretty well. I wouldn't say I've been "losing" but I have been maintaining, which is Necessary. I have always had a problem with keeping the weight off and I have been able to keep myself at the same weight now for about 3 weeks, so that's wonderful. I have also done a couple of cleansers (which I hated but they are good for me) and I got my mom and Palmetto doing them with me. I actually told them about it and I did it one week and they were doing it over 3 weeks and I felt like a slacker, so I had to do another one : / My goal is to start working out again today. I also have made some progress in regards to my "bridge" goal. I can (on the ground) push my self up into a half bridge! So that's excellent! Practice, Practice, Practice! My arms are definitely getting stronger.
Law of attraction baby! You know what it comes down to? (Which is very challenging for me...) It comes down to completely changing one's mindset. I have been taught to think like someone who is in poverty because I grew up in a lower class household with a single mom and around people in the same situation (maybe slightly better) for all of my life. And the people that did have slightly better situations (lower-middle to middle class, I didn't really hang out with them or their parents). My definition of lower class is making less than 50k/year and I'm pretty sure my mom was making less than 25k/year at her Peak and that was after I went to college. Cause there's middle class, lower middle class, lower class and poor. Most of my life I have been in poverty (making less than 15k/year) and as I said above, I grew up in a household where, at best, my mom was making less than 25k/year. To be honest, I think even that's a stretch. I really don't know how she did it with a child. She was always talking about robbing Peter to pay Paul. Anyway, my whole life has been learning to: budget, sacrifice, do without, only get what you need, live bellow your means and think about what I can't afford. Now there are some good things in there, but this is really the attitude of a person who is in survival mode/poverty. This is not the attitude of someone who is safe, secure and wealthy financially.
I have had to work on completely reconstructing my attitude to think like someone who has money and I really only know one person who has ever had money and that's my aunt, and the more I get better at the LoA, the more I sound like her (when I used to hear her saying things growing up). So, I have decided to stop chalking things up to coincidence and realize that what I say, do, think, see and believe all play a part in the way my life goes. Something I have been saying lately is, "What I can get is not determined by how much money I have; How much money I have is determined by what I want. I am telling the universe what I want and I am moving in that direction and knowing that the money/opportunity is there.
I also have to trust. I have to trust and move in the direction of that trust. Something interesting that has been going on in my mind is that I am saying that I trust and that I can afford it but then I don't act like it. I was reminded that I have to act like it. You know how they say, "Actions speak louder than words"? Well this applies to the universe as well. You gotta be about it. So I went out and bought the bed I was a little scared to buy and you know what? I still have a roof over my head. I never ended up homeless; everything worked out in the end. I was also taught over the last few months to not feel guilty about where the help comes from. That is hard for me. It makes me feel like a burden and a failure but that is judging the situation and myself. Judgement is counter productive when on the path to Nirvana. Take the help and be grateful. That's the end of it. So that's what I've been learning to do. I am also stepping out of my comfort zone and not putting a cap on my potential wealth. I have been speaking as though I am financially free.
So, I was able to use the LoA to get myself a bunch of things that I have been needing (like a bed) and wanting (like a Kindle Fire- with the Hello Kitty sleeve that I love, and perfume- because I deserve to smell like the Goddess that I am). Let me tell you something...Memory Foam is the best investment you can make for yourself in the world of sleep/furniture. I have not had to toss one time since I bought the thing. I got a 6 inch memory foam mattress from Wal Mart.com and it has been nothing but good to me. I will definitely be getting one for my home, but probably more like 8-12 inches. :)
Anyway, that's about all. Tomorrow I am going to take some pictures of the stuff I got and post them in the blog. I am also thinking about blogging about my progress in being Assertive and doing a book review. I really am going to do my best to start doing some more micro blogging on here and blogging at work and coming home and typing it out. Thank you for your support and reading my online diary :)
If you have any comments or questions, hit me up.