Update

I know I don't have a big following of readers yet, but for those of you who may come here, I just wanted to let you know that I am revamping how I am going to be doing things on this blog. It's going to take some time but hopefully during the span of 2015, I will have a clear perspective on what I want to focus on in this blog and be able to write more regularly. Thank you for your support and I'll be talking with you soon.

XOXO

Lola K.

The Encounter

I just recently wrote and erotic short for the 2Raw4TV Magazine's May 2014 issue. I thought I'd share some of it here. :) 

The Encounter

A sensual short by Lola K.

It was dark, rainy and hard to see much, but his glistening skin shown through the darkness nonetheless. The burning of my eyes from the acid rain became a distant memory the instant I looked upon him. He didn’t walk like everyone else. There was a grace about him. A silent confidence. I was never the sort to stop a man and ask him for his contact information, so when he passed me by and didn’t say anything, I quietly cursed myself for following my socially conditioned, gender role haughtiness.

There was no use living in regret. If he and I were meant to be, something would have happened to bring us together. After shaking myself out of my love-struck frozen stance, I continued on my way to the hotel I was staying at. I was booked with meetings all weekend, so it wasn’t like I had time for a social life anyway. Maybe it was a good thing that he didn’t notice me because I probably would have made some excuse about not having time, sabotaging the situation for being too good to be true. I mean, I was used to being approached by guys… but not guys with that type of… radiance.

He had an energy as if he was the C.E.O. of a major company. He carried himself with a sense of calm and ease, as if he had everything in his life together. Even in the rain, he didn’t cower from it like everyone else. It was as though he accepted it… handling it in the most effective way… breezing through it as if he didn’t care that it was ruining his tailored Armani suit. While I, on the contrary, cowered, trying to protect my $20 satin top. Maybe he didn’t mind because unlike me, he could just go out and buy another one.

Why was I still thinking about him? He was long gone. Out of my life forever. But I’ve never had a stranger linger in my mind like this before. There was a loud crack of thunder that startled me out of my daydream. The instinctual scream I made would have been embarrassing if it hadn’t have been for the lack of people around. It was late and raining, so most everyone was in for the evening. I had run to the corner store to get some ice cream before bed. I had wanted to get some from the hotel market, but they didn’t have the particular brand that I cared for and I was very particular about my ice cream. When I had first started out, the rain was just drizzling, but as it sometimes is with rainstorms, it just started to pour out of nowhere. I hadn’t thought that I would need an umbrella; after all, I was just running around the corner. So, all I had to shield me from the unexpected downpour was my purse.

Another crash of thunder sounded and I knew that a power outage was impending. I tried to get back to the hotel lobby as quickly as possible. I eased into the automatic, revolving doors, pulled my purse down from my head and sighed out in relief to finally be out of the rain. I stopped at the guest services counter to have an extra key made, then headed to the elevator. I was staying on the 35^th floor, so I started preparing for my tedious journey up the elevator- at least I didn’t have to walk. There was no one in the elevator car with me, so at least I could relax on the way up. I pressed the button labeled “35” and pulled my bag of ice cream close to my chest. Just as the doors started to close, I heard a voice call out, “Hold it!” I saw a masculine hand pierce through the slit of the elevator door at the last minute. I hurried over to try and press the open button but it had already started to open from the sensor.

I looked up to see who was going to be my temporary car mate and I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was the gentleman from the street- rain spotted Armani suit and all. He smiled the most perfect smile as he opened his mouth to say, “Thanks,” for my efforts in trying to halt the closing door. I blushed, holding my head down a bit, gripping my bag of ice cream tighter and whispered out, “It was… It was nothing.” A crash of thunder clapped just before the door closed and I shrieked in fright. He reached over and gently touched my arm as if trying to protect me and said, “Don’t worry. It’s just a little rain.” His touch was firm and comforting, and the anxiety I had about the thunder melted away but simultaneously transformed into butterflies from his touch. “I’ve always been afraid of thunder,” I explained awkwardly as the car started to lift off. He smiled back at me and reached over in front of me to press the button labeled “40.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, catching myself. “I wasn’t even thinking. I should have offered.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he assured. “I know you’re a bit shaken up.”

  

I heard the chime ring for a 5^th time, as we slowly headed up to the high double digit floors. The lights in the elevator car started to flicker and I grew anxious. The last thing I wanted was to be trapped inside one of these things. I assured myself that the hotel would have the situation under control and there was no need to worry. Five more floors passed and there was a jerking motion which jarred me. I closed my eyes, leaned against the wall and quietly started to count down from 10. The gentleman chuckled a bit and said, “My father used to do that.” I sighed a laugh of embarrassment and replied, “Yeah… it helps.”

“What’s in the bag?” he asked kindly.

“Oh… just some… ice cream,” I answered looking away nervously.

“You went outside to get ice cream in this weather? They have a store down stairs, you know.”

“I know,” I said, crinkling my nose in embarrassment of my particular nature. “I’m picky about my ice cream,” I explained.

He smiled in response. His smile was so sincere and captivating that it almost melted all of my nerves away. He had the most beautiful, deep and dark eyes, and his skin was smooth and flawless. I shook myself out of my trance, becoming aware of the fact that I might have been staring. I looked down at the floor and then briefly back up again and noticed that he was taking quick glances at me as well. This made me feel somewhat better about him having not noticed me initially in the street. I managed to get through the next 10 floors without much concern, and only being 15 floors away from my destination, I was sure everything was going to be fine. That was until I heard the sound. It was a dropping sound, like something powering down and then it happened… the elevator stopped moving.

I got a bit nervous but I figured I would just go over and press the buttons again. I leaned forward and pressed “35” a few times, looking up at the digital counter to see if anything was changing. I pressed almost frantically but nothing happened. The gentleman said, “I’m sure it’ll be back up in a moment.”

I smiled nervously as I pried my fingers away from the button. I started to breathe deeply, focusing on keeping calm. I knew everything would be back up and running shortly. I glanced over at him and he was looking at his sleek watch and glancing up at the digital floor counter. The lights flickered again and I started to feel that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

“What kind of ice cream did you get that they don’t have down stairs?”

The question temporarily distracted me from my feelings and I answered, “Uh… Blue Bunny. Hotels generally only sell brands like Häagen-Dazs, Edy’s or Ben & Jerry's. They’re always too fancy, too sweet, or have too many chunks. But Blue Bunny has a nice balance between quality, creamy ice cream that isn’t too sweet, and chunks without being overwhelming. Plus, they make pistachio ice cream...with almonds in it. And I love pistachio ice cream.”

He started to chuckle and I blushed. I looked down a bit and said, “I’m sorry… I was rambling.”

“No. No. No. Don’t be sorry… It’s just… you really are particular about your ice cream. I’ve just never met someone that cared that much about it before.”

We both laughed and then a moment later, the lights flickered for a final time, finally going out.

I gasped and clenched on to the metal hand rail, like someone hanging on for dear life. I heard him ask, “Are you ok?” I shook my head “yes” but I’m pretty sure he couldn’t see it in the darkness. I heard a cranking sound, as if we were teenagers in a third generation hoopty, and I dropped to the ground. I just knew the elevator was going to go down. I sat on the ground, arms clenched around my knees, praying for dear life. He came over to me and put his hand on my arm and told me everything was going to be fine. “No,” I rebutted. “It’s going to crash. It’s going to crash.”

“It’s not going to crash. I promise you.” He assured me.

“How do you know?” I asked hopefully, with tears forming in my eyes.

“Because I won’t let it.”

I laughed at his absurd confidence. I knew he really didn’t have the power to determine our fate but something in his level of confidence made me feel like maybe he was right. Maybe he could keep us safe.

“Besides,” he continued, “We can’t die until we’ve had some of your famous Blue Bunny ice cream.” I could feel him smiling at me in the darkness. I dryly joked back, “Who said you were getting any?” He laughed a hearty laugh and I chuckled nervously along with him. He took off his suit jacket and wrapped it around my shivering body. “You must be chilly from still having these damp clothes on… This should help.”

“Thank you,” I replied, trying to see him in the darkness. I could feel the heat of his body around me, making me feel safe and protected. He had the most wonderful energy and I just wanted to lean into his chest and fall asleep. But instead, I started to hyperventilate. I don’t know… it came out of nowhere. I thought I was starting to calm down but… I guess not. He started to rub my back and encourage me to relax. But, when he noticed it wasn’t working, he did the strangest and sweetest thing. He took a deep breath and started to sing:

“When this old world starts getting me down

And people are just too much for me to face…”

I couldn’t believe it. He was actually singing to me. He wasn’t Luther Vandross or anything, but he had a masculine and sweet voice, and he could keep a pitch. He continued on,

“I climb way up to the top of the stairs

And all my cares just drift right into space…”

He rubbed my arms, leaned into my ear and continued on,

“On the roof, it's peaceful as can be

And there the world below can't bother me

Let me tell you now

When I come home feelin' tired and beat

I go up where the air is fresh and sweet…”

Then he nudged me. I looked at the dark shadow of his face with shock and he said, “Come on… your turn. Don’t leave me hanging.”

I blushed and sang in a mousey, cracking voice,

“Up on the rooooooof….”

He chuckled and continued,

“I get away from the hustling crowd

And all that rat-race noise down in the street…”

“Up on the roooooooof,” I sang.

Then we both sang,

“On the roof, the only place I know

Where you just have to wish to make it so

Let's go up on the roof.

Up on the roooooooooof.”

We both broke out in laughter as we hit the final note. He continued to hold me close to him, even though I had calmed down. And even though I felt a bit nervous about him being so intimate with me, I didn’t stop him. We sat in silence for a moment until I broke it saying, “My dad used to sing to me when I was scared.”

“Yeah?” he asked.

“Yeah… it was nice.”

We were quiet for a moment, then he hesitantly asked, “Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”

“Sure,” I answered, trying not to get too used to his arms being around me.

“Why are you so afraid of storms?”

I held my head down for a moment and after mulling over whether or not I was going to answer that question, I decided that the least I could do to show my appreciation for this stranger helping me get through this, was to answer a sincere question, honestly.

“I was like… 8 or 9. I went out for a drive with my dad. He didn’t want me to go but I would give him these Shirley Temple eyes and he would always give in. It was late, so I already had my jammies on but… he didn’t mind. He put me in the back seat on the right, this way he could look back casually and talk to me during our trip. We weren’t going that far away. Just to the local grocery store. It wasn’t winter… but it wasn’t spring either. It was like that strange period in between when it’s stormy, cold, and there’s a lot of sleet and hail. We had managed to get to the grocery store jut fine, but by the time we started to head back home, it had gotten really bad. It was almost impossible to see.”

I took a deep breath and continued on, “The thunder was really loud and it had me shaken up. My dad… he was always singing. He started to sing to comfort me from the storm. Then… the singing just stopped. He looked away and the singing just stopped. Then there was a crash.”

I paused for a moment to gather my composure and went on, “I don’t think it was his fault. He just came out of nowhere. I don’t think he could see any more than my dad or I could. He just… he couldn’t stop… I was knocked unconscious. When I woke up, I called out to my dad but he didn’t answer. I got out of my seat belt and went to shake him, but nothing happened. He wouldn’t wake up. Then there were sirens. I don’t know… I’ve just… I’ve never liked storms…”

He held me tighter and leaned into the side of my face. Then he said, “Well I promise you… there won’t be any crashes tonight.”

There was something powerful that radiated out of his body. I felt the most wonderful feeling coursing through me as he held me in his grasp. His face nuzzling against mine felt electric. I turned to look at his dark shadow, hoping that I could see into his eyes, and I could, somehow, even in the darkness. I could see into the depths of his being. His lips were so close to mine, and the tension in me kept rising and I just kept hoping that he would take me right then and there. I looked forward, away from his stare and when I did, he kissed me gently on my cheek to comfort me… I sighed into it. I inched more and more, turning toward him, and each time, he kissed me on my cheek again, getting closer and closer to my trembling lips. I felt his soft lips graze against the corners of my mouth and I thought I would surely lose my breath.

He didn’t kiss my lips at first… he just rested them against mine, as if he wanted to be certain that I was comfortable. I didn’t push or lean in, but I know the change in my breath was affirmation enough for him because before I knew it, he was pulling me close to his chest and kissing me deeply. The power of his kiss was so intense, that I couldn’t even kiss him back; I just took all of him as he massaged my tongue with his. We grew hotter and more passionate in our embrace, until he suddenly stopped. I knew it was because he didn’t want to cross the line. But I wanted him to. I wanted him to take me. To have all of me… right then and there. I reached for him in the darkness, touching his face gently with the tips of my fingers. I eased up onto my knees, leaned into the shadow of his face and gently kissed him on his lips.

I was nervous, but I knew if I didn’t act, this moment would pass me by and I would surely regret it. I kissed him again, softly, and slowly started to part my lips, making him aware of my desire. He grabbed the back of my hair, pulling it firmly. I breathed heavily, my chest moving up and down up against his. He kissed me down my neck, moving toward my bosom. He grabbed my skirt firmly, hiking it up and then straddled me around him. When I was comfortably seated on him, he started to slowly unbutton my water stained satin shirt. He was so delicate as he undressed me in the darkness of the elevator...

If you want to read the rest, click here and check it out in the magazine. 

The digital version is free! 

Update On Writing

Hey everybody. I just want to let you know that I am going to be taking a temporary break from writing under Lola K. because I have another pen name that I want to focus on. The books that I write as Lola K. are books that are very close to my heart and completely honest...  but sometimes you have to do what you have to do to succeed in your industry so that you can do things like write from the heart. In my case, that means putting my energy into another pen name. So once that pen name is established and has an audience, then I will have the free time to write books under Lola K. again. I thank you for your understanding.

Not Quite Black and Blue

Available Now on Amazon by Clicking Below:

Direction, Miguel and Drake

I'm going through a point in my life where I feel like I don't know what to do, what direction to go in to get what I want. In fact, now that I have articulated it, that's exactly what it is. It's the case with my entrepreneur goals, career goals and relationship.

First of all, y'all know how I am, there are always tunes playing. Right now, I am hooked on a Pandora station that I somewhat generated called, "Miguel Radio." On Miguel Radio they play Miguel, Drake, Chris Brown and other artists like that. It's a really good station and it has made me realize that I actually really like Drake. I didn't think I would ever say that. Hahaha. But, for those of you who do not have Pandora, here is a really good Drake song that you could jam to while you read this:

Drake- From Time to Time ft Jhene Aiko

Ok...So now that you are relaxing to that...I'll continue. 

As for my entrepreneur businesses, I feel like they are dependent on me having a good job and making more money. Having a real opportunity at growth in a company, you know? Maybe that's the problem...maybe it's because I feel like they are connected. Maybe I just need to change my attitude about that. It's just that right now I feel like I need to advertise to get my company to grow. But advertising takes money and the only way I know how to legitimately get money is working.
Then, there's my book and I don't know. Maybe I am just discouraged. I don't know if I should try to promote self publishing or if I should get a publisher. But either way I feel like I'm in the same boat... it takes money. It takes money to send to all of those publishers and I'm worried that my book might have too many cuss words for mainstream publishers. And self-publishing...again...money. *sigh.

I really need to get back into visualizing. Tomorrow I am going to get back on the horse and stop being discouraged. It's not that I've gotten off per say...cause I am writing this blog and simultaneously working on the 2Raw4TV Magazine. But I'm a little off the horse with my personal goals like Auset Kulani and my Novellla.

The good thing is that I finally finalized my recipe for the Brown Sugar Baby scrub. Here is a picture:

The pic is a link to the store as well.

It just looks so yummy! And I love the way it looks and feels on my hand when I am using it, and how moisturized and glowing my hands look when I'm done with it. Black Betty is off the market for a while, at least until I perfect the recipe (if I can ever perfect the recipe without completely changing it into something else).

Yo! Kendrick Lamar! They're playing this right now...

 

Ok...so back to what I was saying. Let's move on to my work goals. I feel like there is a bunch of stuff I can do but because I don't have a bachelor's degree in shit, then I don't ever qualify for jobs. Maybe I should just apply for them anyway. I got a brand-spanking-new, modern resume now. Excited about that. Wow. Sharing this with you all is changing my attitude. What the hell right? I should just go for it. It's just that sometimes I feel intimidated by the positions, even though I feel like, "Well if that bitch can do it, I can too." You know, I have life experience, I am self taught in a lot of things and I'm just an overall fast learner. I don't know. I'm about to be 30, you know? I feel some changes but sometimes it all just feels like the same shit, even though I am doing the visualizations, etc. There's like a threshold that I need to get through, feel me? That's what it is. 

What was the last thing? Oh... How could I forget? Relationship... 

Sooooooooooooooooo.... Here's what's going on with that: I have this guy and he is really cool and a good guy, but, there are things that are important to me that he just doesn't do. And what's crazy about it, is if I were to tell him about another girl who's guy was doing that to her OR if I were with another guy and telling him about that guy, he would be like, "Damn. You need to step it up and get a better dude." (Not in those words but that's what he'd be saying.) But when I try to tell him, he doesn't even want to listen to me. It sucks. I feel like I'm being taken for granted and taken advantage of and I don't want to break up with him, and if I fuss he won't listen, so I just don't know what to do. Right now, I am just pulling back a bit and maybe he will come to me... then maybe we can talk. I don't know. I just feel really lost. But... things always clear up. That's about all for now. I'll write soon. Peace. 

Vicissitudes of Life

It's so funny. My ex-husband and I used to be in love. Now, we don't speak anymore. I'm partially to blame. I am the one, after all, who wrote the memoir. It was bound to happen. He was starting to only call me when he was really down and there was no one else to talk to. Maybe that's just my perspective. Funny...The word "love."

Failure, Greatness and Success...

The other day, I was thinking that maybe there was nothing that I was great at. I thought that maybe there wasn't anything I was great at but there's a lot of things that I'm pretty awesome at. Then I started to think that maybe it wasn't that important to be great at something; maybe it's fine to just be good at stuff. But for whatever reason, it just kept irking me.

I began to realize that being good at stuff wasn't good enough for me. I want to be great at something. Here's the thing about me: I wouldn't consider myself to have low self esteem, in fact sometimes I think it's quite the contrary. It's just that my expectations for myself are So High, that it's like, my definition of Great is like Michael Jordan or Aretha Franklin. But you don't get there over night.

Since I've been out here in Iowa, I've really started to question my value. I've been fired a lot since I've been out here and being fired so many times can really make you question your worth. Especially when you are doing your best. Especially when you can compare yourself and your performance to people on paper/practically and KNOW that you are doing better than Most of your counterparts and yet, you are being fired and they are not.

But after talking to my friend today (after having a huge fight with her yesterday), I realized that I'm a Damn good friend. I'm a GREAT friend. I'm a great friend, I was a great wife, I make a great girlfriend, I'm even a great daughter (if I do say so myself). I'm a Great Person. If there were more people like me in the world, this world would be awesome. And that's the truth. That's how I feel. In some ways, I feel I am an artistic genius and I don't need people to buy my art to validate that. That's how I feel. I have tons of ideas and just because none of them have made me millions of dollars yet doesn't make them any less valuable.

I'm just fed up with defining myself by my apparent failures. I am great. I am successful now, just because I have a damn good heart. So yeah... that's how I feel about that.

Long Time

Hey y'all. It's been a bit but I'm back. I've wanted to come back for a few days but I wasn't inspired to write anything. Or maybe I was just too upset to... you know how sometimes you have to wait on the passion to calm down before you can do something constructive with it? Well, that. haha. Anyway, There's a lot that's been going on but I can't type it all in one blog. What I am going to do, is cover a few things over a few days and that way you can all be caught up with what I've been doing. But, I will give you some teasers:

I have finished the final edit of my book and the cover, and it's up on Amazon and Smashwords. I'll post a link when I do the formal blog post about it. Actually...F*ck it. I'll give it to you now. At least the smashwords one. I have to adjust the Amazon copy.

I have officially opened my etsy store and am focusing on the Auset Kulani sector of Free New World, which is making my life so much easier. I have already made 2 sales! Very happy about that. Now I just gotta start learning about advertising. I'll give you that link now too:

And, as usual, I gotta turn y'all on to what I'm listening to right now. I just love this song. Means a lot to me: 

And! She's Guyanese! Like me! :) 

So, for now that's about all. I will be hitting y'all back up soon to let you know the pros and cons of my life and what all's been going down and more detail on the above. Peace. Oh! And before I go, I got a nice picture... finally. Here it is:

Love...Shooting the shit...

(haha this post is mad old but I wanted to publish it anyway.)

Love... I am inundated in love. The feeling is overwhelming.

Right now I am making some cheese stuffed meatballs with pasta and spaghetti sauce. It's pretty late but that's how my day went. I should watch a movie but I don't know if it's going to load. I have been jamming to this song:

It's a little cheesy but I like the vocals of the guy who sings the chorus.

I'm so in love that I can't even describe it. I'm so in love that hahahaha Wow!

I'm sipping on this wine right now. Cheap wine. I bought some Apothic Red the other day and it was awesome but today I got the $4 Oak Leaf and it's quite tasty.
I really can't believe that they did a song with snoop dogg *ahem* excuse me...snoop LION and Miley Fucking Cyrus...Gag me. And it's not even good. SMH!

I'm so in love I'm going to cry.

Pissed. #4LBS

I am DONE with Pasta. I switched to rice and I started losing weight. I was 3 lbs away from my first goal and then I started eating spaghetti. In 1 WEEK, I gained 4 fucking pounds! THAT'S IT!!!!!! Back to rice! This is that BS!