Failure, Greatness and Success...

The other day, I was thinking that maybe there was nothing that I was great at. I thought that maybe there wasn't anything I was great at but there's a lot of things that I'm pretty awesome at. Then I started to think that maybe it wasn't that important to be great at something; maybe it's fine to just be good at stuff. But for whatever reason, it just kept irking me.

I began to realize that being good at stuff wasn't good enough for me. I want to be great at something. Here's the thing about me: I wouldn't consider myself to have low self esteem, in fact sometimes I think it's quite the contrary. It's just that my expectations for myself are So High, that it's like, my definition of Great is like Michael Jordan or Aretha Franklin. But you don't get there over night.

Since I've been out here in Iowa, I've really started to question my value. I've been fired a lot since I've been out here and being fired so many times can really make you question your worth. Especially when you are doing your best. Especially when you can compare yourself and your performance to people on paper/practically and KNOW that you are doing better than Most of your counterparts and yet, you are being fired and they are not.

But after talking to my friend today (after having a huge fight with her yesterday), I realized that I'm a Damn good friend. I'm a GREAT friend. I'm a great friend, I was a great wife, I make a great girlfriend, I'm even a great daughter (if I do say so myself). I'm a Great Person. If there were more people like me in the world, this world would be awesome. And that's the truth. That's how I feel. In some ways, I feel I am an artistic genius and I don't need people to buy my art to validate that. That's how I feel. I have tons of ideas and just because none of them have made me millions of dollars yet doesn't make them any less valuable.

I'm just fed up with defining myself by my apparent failures. I am great. I am successful now, just because I have a damn good heart. So yeah... that's how I feel about that.

Long Time

Hey y'all. It's been a bit but I'm back. I've wanted to come back for a few days but I wasn't inspired to write anything. Or maybe I was just too upset to... you know how sometimes you have to wait on the passion to calm down before you can do something constructive with it? Well, that. haha. Anyway, There's a lot that's been going on but I can't type it all in one blog. What I am going to do, is cover a few things over a few days and that way you can all be caught up with what I've been doing. But, I will give you some teasers:

I have finished the final edit of my book and the cover, and it's up on Amazon and Smashwords. I'll post a link when I do the formal blog post about it. Actually...F*ck it. I'll give it to you now. At least the smashwords one. I have to adjust the Amazon copy.

I have officially opened my etsy store and am focusing on the Auset Kulani sector of Free New World, which is making my life so much easier. I have already made 2 sales! Very happy about that. Now I just gotta start learning about advertising. I'll give you that link now too:

And, as usual, I gotta turn y'all on to what I'm listening to right now. I just love this song. Means a lot to me: 

And! She's Guyanese! Like me! :) 

So, for now that's about all. I will be hitting y'all back up soon to let you know the pros and cons of my life and what all's been going down and more detail on the above. Peace. Oh! And before I go, I got a nice picture... finally. Here it is:

Love...Shooting the shit...

(haha this post is mad old but I wanted to publish it anyway.)

Love... I am inundated in love. The feeling is overwhelming.

Right now I am making some cheese stuffed meatballs with pasta and spaghetti sauce. It's pretty late but that's how my day went. I should watch a movie but I don't know if it's going to load. I have been jamming to this song:

It's a little cheesy but I like the vocals of the guy who sings the chorus.

I'm so in love that I can't even describe it. I'm so in love that hahahaha Wow!

I'm sipping on this wine right now. Cheap wine. I bought some Apothic Red the other day and it was awesome but today I got the $4 Oak Leaf and it's quite tasty.
I really can't believe that they did a song with snoop dogg *ahem* excuse me...snoop LION and Miley Fucking Cyrus...Gag me. And it's not even good. SMH!

I'm so in love I'm going to cry.